Date at Your Own Risk

Yes, yes, yes, I know some people have had remarkably good luck with the whole online dating experience. And I'm sure that my own 72-hour foray into the dating-dot-com world might have been unusually horrific (unless you, too, got the response from some dashing casanova whose subject line read: "I love eating pussy!!!")But I must confess, I'm still amazed, amused and have nothing but respect for those who go out in search of cyber-love because it strikes me you're as likely to yield a winner as one of Willy Wonka's golden tickets (though I have little doubt you could probably yield something golden from someone's willy.)


See, having written and shaded my own profile, I'm *a bit* skeptical of the credentials others present when writing their own personal ads. Call me jaded, everyone else does. But I mean when I read any ad--like apartment listings for example--and I see the words "charming & sunny" I immediately go to the "tiny" "17th floor walk-up" place. So when I see a personal add advertising a "charming & sunny" penis, well, you get the point.

Needless to say, when I saw this story today, a story that finally justifies the bitter skeptic in me, the coal miner who operates my heart did a little "told ya so" jig. It turns out, Robert Wells of Walnut Creek, TX, was not just a semiretired physician who enjoys wine tasting, "The Sopranos" and reading science fiction, as he advertised himself on his profile. Nope. Robert was forced to give up his medical license because he's also a convicted sex offender! Hocking his cock on True.com (I shit you not), Wells was eventually kicked off that site and others (Hello, Eharmony! Hiya Match.com!), when a woman with whom he was corresponding eventually realized there was something "creepy" about the doctor.

So what does this woman do? Does she block his address from her email box? Does she immediately report him to the dating service? "I kept writing because I wanted to see if there was something wrong with him," she told the Kansas City Star. Well, I think she proved there was something wrong with at least one part of the equation.

But lest you think the cyber outlets aren't on to these predators, the sites specifically warn people to "to date at their own risk." And the CEO of True.com, Herb Vest, says this: "I make a promise to my members. If you are clever enough to get around our site securities, I'm going to prosecute." That's right, if you're clever enough to hit the "I'm not a sex offender" button when you really are one, well look out, big guy cause you might just get a spanking from a man named Vest.