Partially Used Underpants

It was not without a certain amount of horror that I read a story this weekend concerning pre-worn panties.

But it was neither the Gray Lady's mention of unmentionables nor the idea that I could have potentially purchased skanky skivvies myself that bothered me. No, instead it was the fear that those who have received a mysterious package containing nothing but SHAKING HER ASSETS boy shorts might now be even more concerned than ever about their provenance.

So let me just set the record straight: The stylish green underpants to which I refer came to you from the incredibly reputable company Warnaco, an intimate apparel company par excellence. And please rest assured that those adorable underpants have been worn before by no one, save Renee and me.