SHAKING blog

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

If I Were In Charge of the World

How can you blame him? Oh, I don't mean about deceiving the American people about the "evidence" of WMD, taking a short-handed, ill-equipped army to war, failing to create an exit strategy in the face of an obvious quagmire. I don't mean how can you blame him for the incompetence he showed in dealing with the disaster that was Hurricane Katrina. I'm not referring to the issue of domestic spying, his piss poor record on the environment or the ginormous budget deficit that he's created as his legacy. I mean how can you blame Dubya for replacing Andrew Card, his chief of staff, with long time crony, yes man and sycophant-extraordinaire, Joshua Bolten?

Why if I were in charge of the world, I'd surround myself with people who'd smile at me and tell me what a great job I was doing even if I were leading the country off a cliff, too. Who wants Mr. Grumpypants Realitycheck coming to your desk first thing in the morning to tell you that you've done fucked up something else? Why-oh-why would you willingly install a person who you know's going to give you bad news? So what if that person has a firmer grip on the truth, on public sentiment on, say, the news? Fuck that shit. I like smiley faces! I like to see heads nodding in agreement. Take a memo, boys: I like it when people rub their noses up my butt.

If I were in charge of the world, I'd make Renee my minister of snack foods, and as such, I'd also put her in charge of all international relations. I mean it's not like the woman isn't qualified. She knows how to curse in multiple languages, which is important. Jay would become chief of bottle washing, meaning he'd handle domestic issues. Many years on the New York Water Polo team certainly give him at least as much cred as, say, someone who worked at the Arabian Horsey Association.

If I were in charge of the world, I'd probably run it just like Georgey. I'd hire all my friends and relatives to do jobs they'd not necessarily be good at, but come on, it would at least keep them off the streets. Because unemployment and poverty is for uneducated poor people. And seriously, who cares about them?

3 Comments:

Blogger Jay said...

robin, i accept your offer. now let's talk benefits.

March 29, 2006 4:36 PM  
Blogger Robin said...

Sure thing, you can go clubbing with my trashy daughters any weekend you'd like. And don't worry, those girls know how to boot and rally.

March 29, 2006 6:43 PM  
Blogger RenĂ©e said...

Cheese puffs for brainfood, Doritos scoops for all the shit that gets spewed, and pretzels galore because then there just might be a chance George'd do the right thing: choke and die.

March 29, 2006 6:53 PM  

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