What's the Matter With Kentucky (Fried Chicken)?

I have vegetarians in the family. Some of my closest friends are vegetarians. I'm even down with the idea of letting you turn sallow, weak and protein-deficient if it makes you feel happy that you're following your ideals. But dudes, for the love of all things tasty and fried, keep your pasty paws off my Extra Crispy.


I was walking by the KFC on 6th Avenue and West 4th this weekend and lo and behold, I found myself in the middle of a bloody chicken coup, or coop, if you'll permit. Turns out there's a huge anti-KFC movement achickenfoot these days. Apparently PETA is going after the Colonel and his special recipe with their shrieking hell hounds in a manner more befitting Anna Wintour.

Now granted, I haven't become intimate with the ways of the Colonel and his chicks. I mean, okay, he probably abuses them. And as a feminist, on principle I'm anti-chick abuse across the board. But these little chickadees are being raised for the slaughter. Really, do we really, really think that if we treat chickens more kindly, when their time comes--and come it will--they'll be all like, "no, my peeps, it's cool if you slaughter me now because it's been a wonderful life!"? Are we, the people, that dumb to think that chickens think like we do? For God's sake it's called bird brained for a reason!

But the most hilarious and truly stupid part of the campaign against KFC has got to be the idiot kid who changed his name to KentuckyFriedCruelty.Com to raise awareness. Awareness about what, I'm not quite sure. But I'll bet his parents are proud of him... too bad he won't be able to carry on the family name in their honor.