Funniest News Story 2005

Phew, they got it in just under the wire! From yesterday's NYT headline, New Theory in Phone Case, you wouldn't necessarily suspect it. That's why occasionally it is important to read beyond the bold print, if only to spot a gem like this. The first sentence begins, "A woman who the police thought had tried to swallow her cell phone in an argument with her boyfriend last week..."


Here's a question: what the hell would make the police think a woman tried to swallow her own cell phone?!? Now sure, you're thinking, well, a woman with a celly stuck in her throat might have a tough time answering that question. And ah, the irony, because clearly this is a woman who likes to chat. Talk about the gift of gab.

But what sort of ace police work forces an officer to tell the paper of record that the initial theory on the case had been discredited because, "It appears she didn't voluntarily swallow this phone"? I'm no Miss Marple, and I'm aware of the theory of Occam's Razor (Numquam ponendo est pluritas sine necessitate, duh), but really, this is not some stupid Verizon commercial wherein the angry dog swallows Master's phone while he's roaming and on hold with Tokyo during daytime minutes. This is a woman with her cell phone stuck in her mouth.

Still, it's stories like these that make this unpaid, unappreciated blogging gig--a gig more akin to a gurgle really--worth doing. So here's hoping that 2006 will not only be a happy, healthy year for one and all but that stories like this continue to proliferate in all their raging stupidity.