BREAKING: Renee is NOT Jackson's Daughter

Things are a bit in a frenzy here at R&R headquarters as phones continue to ring off the hook and reporters bang at the door, hoping to get a response from Renee regarding Janet Jackson's damning statement that she doesn't have a "secret" daughter, never did, and had she, she certainly wouldn't have named her Renee.


Apparently the "Renee is Janet Jackson's secret daughter" rumor started when Young DeBarge (wait... who?... He would be the "young" Debarge brother of James "Ryhthm of the Night" DeBarge, former husband of the former child star Janet Jackson, aka Penny on "Good Times.") Anyhoo, Young was on the radio the other day promoting his new album when he let it slip that his ex-sister-in-law had had baby Renee more than 20 years ago... then hid her!

Jackson immediately denied the rumor, but her former mother-in-law, Etterline DeBarge, re-stirred the pot with this gracious quote: "I knew she was pregnant. She was heavy. I have an instinct. I can tell." (Ed. Note: we are somewhat awed by the magnificent cunt-iness of that statement, and we are especially impressed considering the source, a woman so genius, she named her younger son "Young.")

Though Renee will be releasing her own official statement later in the day, we just ask that you reserve judgment until all the facts are known. And though the physical resemblance is not terribly strong (except in the abs & boobs where it's uncanny!), and though when Renee lets her nip slip on national TV, she doesn't call it no stupid "wardrobe malfunction," she calls it a good way to get a Girls Gone Wild trucker cap, we still think she might be entitled to some cash money out of this. So until then, please continue to call her Miss Kaplan, especially if you're nasty.