Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Spamalot, Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Crap

Now this may be a sign of age, wisdom or the gradual numbing effects of a dirty martini too many, but spam--that of the e-mail variety--no longer bothers me. (The pinkish meat-ish product in a can, well that still disturbs me, at least on a scientific level.) But rather than getting upset or annoyed by the tons of unsolicited shit that winds up in my mailbox regardless of spam filters, anti-spammy government legislation and a concerted effort to give only fake e-mail addresses to companies seeking to put me on a mailing list, I still get it by the steaming shovel-ful, and I've decided I'm okay with it. Why? Read on...

For any of you who have visited the comments section on our blog here, you'll undoubtedly have noticed that our most faithful contributors are, for the most part, not admirers of the R&R brand, they're not thoughtful respondants to the deep questions we pose, rather they're agrammatical pre-programmed messages that generally start, "You have great blogcome See myne!!!" then they link to their "low interest" credit card site, their dating for lonely losers site, and their member-extender site(s). They generally have nothing to do with the subject of the posting that day, but occasionally, like just the other day when I wrote about Israel and the first comment to appear was a site promising to help you "MAKE MONEY NOW," or on the especially spirited discussion on 9/27/05 which started with a post about not getting a job, and the first comment directed me to a site on bipolar depression, which led to 5 more spammers chiming in about their sites on penis extensions. These are happy coincidences to be sure, even if they are tinged with crude assumptions and potential prejudice.

But since there's no real way to fight back (read: since i'm not technologically savvy enough to know how to delete these comments), I've decided if I can't beat them, I might as well join them. And if you check the comments section, you'll notice that I do tend to answer right back to the spammers and encourage you, you brilliant bastards, to do the same.

No doubt if I include a few key words in this post like, say, "throbbing," "date-less," "debt-ridden," and "donkey love," I'll wind up getting a number of good comments for spammers with finely-tuned search functions. I'll actually be away from my computer for most of the afternoon, so if anything pops up before I can respond, please have it. Not only will it give you an excellent sense of retribution, re-claiming your deep-seated feelings of victim-hood, it'll make this blog look incredibly popular.

I thank you for your support.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi enjoyed my visit will be back.

I have a ##keyword##site it pretty much covers all things golf.

Come and see it when you have the time

October 05, 2005 12:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Vision" Candidates Sue Detractor Over Blog
Vision Vancouver's candidates for Mayor and Council are filing a lawsuit against a local community activist.
Find out how you can buy and sell anything, like things related to music on interest free credit and pay back whenever you want! Exchange FREE ads on any topic, like music!

October 05, 2005 12:54 PM  
Blogger Caryn said...

Glad to see you addressing this topic! Have a headache and my creativity is all tapped out at the moment, or I'd have a go at the two spam messages above. Kind of makes me feel like I'm picking someone else's scabs. ;-)

October 05, 2005 4:18 PM  
Blogger Robin said...

Hi Anonymous Joe!

You know, though I appreciate receiving your spam but minutes after I posted my pro-spam rant, I wish you could have gone slightly more creative with your comment since you're not giving me much to work with here... still, let me take a guess at what the key to your ##keyword## golf site might be:

October 06, 2005 9:37 AM  
Blogger Robin said...

And you, Anonymous Vision Candidate who also hocks music, one word: wha?

Just some advice, simplify that message! I can't tell what you're promoting to be honest. Is it better vision? Less opacity in government? Or is this really just an ad for "I Want Music, Volume 25"?

October 06, 2005 9:40 AM  
Blogger Robin said...

Anna! My faithful Real Live Girl commentator -- always a pleasure to hear from you. Truly.

(But that picking other people's scabs comments just made me retch... good work! Now that's what I call powerful writing!)

October 06, 2005 9:42 AM  
Blogger Caryn said...

Yeah, I kind of feel like a stalker, but oh well. I love to get comments on my blogs, so I try to leave them on others'. And you give me stuff to work with. Not everyone writes stuff worthy of commentary. And, yeah, I found the scab imagery a little nauseating myself. Acutally deleted it, but it was so persistent that I typed it in again, deleted it AGAIN, and then just had to put it. Wouldn't leave me alone. *shrug* I'm only sometimes in charge of my own words.

October 07, 2005 12:26 AM  
Blogger crissachappell said...

too funny!

October 10, 2005 5:04 PM  
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November 01, 2005 1:40 PM  
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