SHAKING blog

Monday, September 26, 2005

Playing "The Game"


In this week's New York Magazine, the outstanding sex columnists Em & Lo, discuss the evergreen subject of "players" in the Mating column. Thanks to Neil Strauss (the former NYT pop music writer who has also co-authored books with literary luminaries such as Marilyn Manson and Jenna Jameson) playas strolled back into the spotlight with the release of his book, The Game, a how to con women guide that this week was #10 on the NYT best seller list.

We won't waste time on The Game, per se, or bother hyperlinking to Neil because we don't want to and yes, we're just that petty--at least the Robin half of us is--but we do find Em & Lo's column really interesting. In it, the ladies essentially ask the question, "who's zooming who?," ie, aren't women by players by nature, too?

What they determine is that yes, we are. We really, really are. And I very much agree, but there is a distinction in the timing and rules of play that I think went undiscussed. Of course in a short piece there's no way they could have fit in all the nuances of the subject (clearly this is a story that could be book length...) but the final quote in their piece is from a woman who says, “[W]omen are the master manipulators. And we can get away with a lot more than men, because we’re not as obvious. Take a woman with a plan and a man with a plan and have them both follow through? The woman will always come out on top. Literally.”

My sense is that this isn't true. There's another woman who's quoted in the story who admits to being a player herself because she likes the thrill of the chase--this I buy--and this I might have even uttered myself. But, like the first girl quoted, do women always come out on top? I'm going to go with "no." Certainly not at the beginning of the game anyway because when you're "playing" there's no guarantee that you'll get to the end (if by end you mean relationship.) Sure, one person can always walk away and that's technically an end, but how does walking away put you on top?

I'm curious to hear what you, dear readers, think about this since its a subject I've already spent oodles of playing around with in my own head and years of my life batting around with others...

53 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's simple. A moderately attractive woman can always pick up a guy for sex. A moderately attractive guy will be far, far less successful. That's why pasty-faced computer geeks like me need stupid pick-up books.

However, when it comes to having a real relationship with someone, men & women are both groping towards the same goal.

September 26, 2005 12:36 PM  
Blogger Robin said...

Very interesting, and I think that makes a lot of sense. I also understand the "need" for Neil's book (hell, if we girlies can have "The Rules" and "He's Just Not That Into You," why not "The Game" for the dudes?)

But if I can ask you a follow up, in terms of groping towards the relationship, are there rules of play if you will, for that stage in the game? I certainly don't know them if they exist, but I'll be interested to hear your thoughts.

September 26, 2005 1:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know of any Official Rules, but the Boy Scout's Law has served me well in everything, including relationships.

I think you're being much too hard on these wannabe "players". Are they any worse than the Alpha males who do this naturally? We've all watched that 6'2" banker named Chad effortlessly pick-up that Trixie at the bar. Women want to be with Chad; gangly, balding 5'8" Neil Strauss wants to be Chad.

So he and his gang of Trekkies developed a pseudo-scientific crutch to escape their crippling shyness and make first contact with women. I think you'd be surprised how hard it is for some men (like me!) to just say hello to strangers. Traditionally, men have used beer to calm their nerves. Whatever works, right?

Finally, women have free will and, therefore, can sleep with whomever they wish. If gold boots and tacky magic tricks do it for some, who are we to judge?

September 26, 2005 2:06 PM  
Blogger Renée said...

Always interesting to get insight from the other half--thanks Anonymous. But there's also a bigger latent question here, I think, and that's about the goal that men-players and women-players are playing for...and the question of wether men are really ever playing for relationships at all.

September 26, 2005 4:31 PM  
Blogger Robin said...

As to Anonymous's last point, I don't think I was being hard on the player (it certainly wasn't my intention to be); I'm very much a fan of the game, always have been. And I quite agree, whatever it takes to make a player better, be it a "shot" of courage or a guidebook, I say more power to you for seeking out some way to make you more comfortable since it's this player's opinion that the dating/mating dance is full of artifice of all sides. (I might have a problem with the author of this particular guidebook specifically, but that could be because I know him... but that's a story for a different day.)

But I also have to say that I'm not sure you're giving women enough credit, Anonymous. Not all of us are looking for Chad. In fact I can assure you many of us are not. A little bit of Chad charm or the "Chadfidence" he uses to approach women sure, that's appealing. But if all Chad can offer is his height and/or his wallet, he's going to have to spend a lot of that money on drinks for me.

September 26, 2005 5:01 PM  
Blogger jobs123 said...

Hey I just love your blog. I also have a matchmaker dating
blog/site. I mostly deals with matchmaker dating
Please come and check it out if you get the time!

October 04, 2005 9:48 AM  
Blogger Drunk Glory Hole said...

click for chat dating room

October 08, 2005 2:40 PM  
Blogger milfcritic said...

lesbian dating

October 09, 2005 3:27 AM  
Blogger Adult Personals said...

hehehehe good topic, like the site.

October 14, 2005 6:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Came here searching for adult personals site

Not a bad site you got here mate!

Check out mine
All about
adult personals site

October 15, 2005 5:40 PM  
Blogger usa said...

Great Blog! Ilike it.I have Totally Free dating site for singlesTake a look if you have a minute. Thanks and have a good one!

October 16, 2005 12:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great Blog! Ilike it.I have Free dating site for singlesTake a look if you have a minute. Thanks and have a good one!

October 17, 2005 6:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey nice posts i added you to my bookmarks

Just wanted to say everything you posted was a good read.
Its nice too see that some people create decent and entertaining blogs, yours kept me reading for well over 10 minutes.

Thanks!

October 18, 2005 6:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great Blog! Ilike it.I have Site where you can Find sex partnerTake a look if you have a minute. Thanks and have a good one!

October 30, 2005 6:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You may want to check this site out you will Save a bundle


Misspelledauctions.com

October 31, 2005 5:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Came here good site.

I own an ads adult free mature personals uk site check it out if you fancy dating

ads adult free mature personals uk

November 01, 2005 3:36 PM  
Blogger atoztexan said...

Hello, I really enjoy your blog … I’m going to bookmark it.
Your visitors may also enjoy another site about dating.
It can be found by clicking here...
adult dating online

November 07, 2005 7:06 PM  
Blogger Girly Girl said...

If you want over 18 adults only dating then Swinger Dating is the site for you. Totally free too :)

November 07, 2005 11:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great Blog! Ilike it.I have Totally Free dating site for singlesTake a look if you have a minute. Thanks and have a good one!

November 19, 2005 8:59 PM  
Blogger erbio.com said...

hey you told me to let you know when the erbio.com site is finished, so im letting you know right now, registration is now open for adult personals, or to just make friends

here's the link www.erbio.com

it's pretty cool ive already met a few people on there.

November 20, 2005 2:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

adult adult dating.info erotic erotic erotic online personals personals
adult adult dating.info erotic erotic erotic online personals personals

Find a date at adult adult dating.info erotic erotic erotic online personals personals

November 22, 2005 6:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

adult dating dating personals personals personals sites.info
adult dating dating personals personals personals sites.info

November 22, 2005 7:44 PM  
Anonymous Michelle said...


relationship advice 101 Ways to Build Happy, Lasting Relationships.

Multilingual : English - Chinese Simplified - Chinese Traditional - Dutch - French - German - Greek - Italian - Japanese - Korean - Portuguese - Russian - Spanish

Start Over : When couples first get together, everything is new and exciting.

Lighten Up : Often when couples have gone through or are going through some bumpy spots in their relationship, things tend to get serious.

Night of Passion : Intimacy and passion in relationships is not only important but also healthy.

Cuddle Time : When couples first start dating, cuddling is usually a part of their everyday existence.

Make the Women Feel Good : Just like men, woman love feeling good about themselves.

Showing Love : Although hearing the words, I love you is special and important.

Realistic Expectations : No matter how wonderful and flawless your mate seems, no one is perfect.

Go on a Date : Especially for married couples, but even for some dating couples, start dating.

Control Your Anger : Every relationship has difficulties, and sometimes, there can be some intense arguments.

I Forgive You : If something has happened in your relationship causing the trust to waiver, you will have many things to work through.

Day at the Movies : Have a movie marathon some rainy or cold Saturday.

Dinner by the Fire : Order in some of your favorite food, open a bottle of fine wine, light some candles.

A Day at the Spa : Show your appreciation for the hard work that takes.

Keep in Touch : It is important that you keep in touch with each other often.

Motivate Each Other : Find a mutual incentive that will motivate both of you.

Adore your Mate : Appreciate and love them for the person they are.

Make Eye Contact : Think back to the first time you saw your now mate.

Respect Privacy : When two people come together in a relationship, each person has their own set of history.

Be Flexible : There will be times when your mate is right and times when you are right.

Encourage Friendships : Men, unlike women, have a more difficult time in developing close friendships with other men.

relationship advice

February 01, 2006 2:02 AM  
Blogger credit cards now said...

the top adult free dating available anywhere! didn't you say you needed some , Robin ?

http://torrent.soft-ware.ca

April 12, 2006 11:40 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

Your blog is very nice and unique. I found it when looking for free dating personals resources on the web.
Regards, Kate.

June 28, 2006 7:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

negro spirituals If You want to see something great about negro spirituals then you have got to visit http://lifegoalsetting.com/1/index.html

August 25, 2006 6:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

online dating

February 07, 2007 12:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Watiti.com
Join me and my circle of friends at http://www.watiti.com, an online social networking community that connects people from all over the world.

Meet new people, share photos, create or attend events, post free classifieds, send free e-cards, listen music, read blogs, upload videos, be part of a club, chat rooms, forum and much more!

See you around! Bring all your friends too!

Watiti.com

February 09, 2007 9:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

personals site

February 13, 2007 12:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Watiti.com
Join me and my circle of friends at http://www.watiti.com, an online social networking community that connects people from all over the world.

Meet new people, share photos, create or attend events, post free classifieds, send free e-cards, listen music, read blogs, upload videos, be part of a club, chat rooms, forum and much more!

See you around! Bring all your friends too!

Watiti.com

February 13, 2007 3:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

international online dating

February 13, 2007 8:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark your blog page!

I have a advice dating online blog. It pretty much covers ##KEYWORD## related stuff.

Come and check it out if you get time :-)

February 14, 2007 10:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Watiti.com
Join me and my circle of friends at http://www.watiti.com,
an online social networking community that connects
people from all over the world.

Meet new people, share photos, create or attend
events, post free classifieds, send free e-cards,
listen music, read blogs, upload videos, be part of a
club, chat rooms, forum and much more!

See you around! Bring all your friends too!

Watiti.com

February 15, 2007 2:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dating parent single

February 15, 2007 1:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

adult novelties

February 16, 2007 12:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

free dating canada 100

February 18, 2007 11:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

brazil woman seeking man

February 19, 2007 1:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

how to date chinese girl

February 26, 2007 11:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

personal ads woman seeking man

February 27, 2007 9:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lesbian dating personal

February 28, 2007 3:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Watiti.com
Join me and my circle of friends at http://www.watiti.com, an online social networking community that connects people from all over the world.

Meet new people, share photos, create or attend events, post free classifieds, send free e-cards, listen music, read blogs, upload videos, be part of a club, chat rooms, forum and much more!

See you around! Bring all your friends too!

Watiti.com

March 05, 2007 5:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Watiti.com
Join me and my circle of friends at http://www.watiti.com, an online social networking community that connects people from all over the world.

Meet new people, share photos, create or attend events, post free classifieds, send free e-cards, listen music, read blogs, upload videos, be part of a club, chat rooms, forum and much more!

See you around! Bring all your friends too!

Watiti.com

March 06, 2007 3:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dating game online play sim

March 19, 2007 1:55 AM  
Anonymous viagra said...

With regard to viagra and erectile dysfunction, it is already apparent that Viagra was first developed as a treatment for angina but later the drug emerged to be a suitable cure for male impotency but far more striking news is presently capturing the attention of the whole world. Seems Untrue! Well, it is doubtlessly true that oysters fed with the anti-impotency drug Viagra has shown effective results against erectile dysfunction and George May, the Australian farmer who created Viagra oysters became thoroughly popular after the news relating to the efficacy of his Viagra oysters leaked out. Guys! If cheap viagra can make oysters so powerful against erectile dysfunction then why won’t you be able to combat your impotency successfully after you buy viagra? Opt for Viagra via viagra online and once you buy Viagra online and administer the drug in accordance with the instructions of the doctor, you would instantly get cured of erectile dysfunction!

October 31, 2007 5:53 AM  
Blogger sandra said...

Viagra is the world renowned medicine for erectile dysfunction and most men have forgotten they ever had a problem with erections after its use. Take it on empty stomach and it will work in 30 minutes. Erections can be achieved on stimulation.

December 31, 2009 3:25 AM  
Blogger reggiewhite said...

Generic Viagra is the world renowned medicine for erectile dysfunction and most men have forgotten they ever had a problem with erections after its use. Take it on empty stomach and it will work in 30 minutes. Erections can be achieved on stimulation.

February 15, 2010 3:05 AM  
Blogger reggiewhite said...

Generic Cialis works by helping the blood vessels in your penis to relax, allowing the flow of blood into your penis. The result of this is improved erectile function.

February 15, 2010 3:54 AM  
Blogger johnnysmith said...

Generic Cialis is slightly different from the other erectile drugs available in the market as it may work up to 36 hrs after dosing. Generic Levitra orks along with sexual stimulation to help achieve an erection when taken 30 to 60 minutes before sexual activity.

April 09, 2010 4:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

generic viagra
generic viagra
online pharmacy
buy viagra
buy viagra online
generic viagra
generic cialis
generic viagra
buy cialis

May 15, 2010 4:41 AM  
Blogger ninest123 Ninest said...

ninest123 16.01
louis vuitton, michael kors outlet, ray ban sunglasses, tiffany and co, louis vuitton, chanel handbags, replica watches, ugg boots, prada outlet, tiffany jewelry, oakley sunglasses, louis vuitton outlet, nike air max, oakley sunglasses, prada handbags, burberry outlet online, ray ban sunglasses, replica watches, longchamp outlet, oakley sunglasses, jordan shoes, oakley sunglasses, michael kors outlet, ugg boots, louis vuitton, polo ralph lauren outlet, uggs on sale, burberry, michael kors outlet, longchamp, ugg boots, gucci outlet, michael kors, nike outlet, louis vuitton outlet, louboutin outlet, louboutin, polo ralph lauren outlet, nike air max, nike free, christian louboutin outlet, michael kors outlet, michael kors outlet, cheap oakley sunglasses, ugg boots, ray ban sunglasses, longchamp outlet, louboutin shoes, tory burch outlet

January 03, 2016 7:33 PM  
Blogger ninest123 Ninest said...

air force, nike trainers, sac longchamp, sac guess, tn pas cher, coach outlet, new balance pas cher, ray ban pas cher, air max, timberland, true religion jeans, north face, nike roshe, nike free run uk, abercrombie and fitch, vans pas cher, michael kors, michael kors, ralph lauren pas cher, burberry, michael kors, ralph lauren uk, hollister pas cher, nike free, lacoste pas cher, true religion outlet, air jordan pas cher, nike blazer, louboutin pas cher, true religion jeans, nike roshe run, vanessa bruno, hogan, longchamp pas cher, ray ban uk, lululemon, converse pas cher, longchamp, hollister, mulberry, nike air max, michael kors, nike huarache, nike air max, replica handbags, north face, coach purses, oakley pas cher, nike air max, true religion jeans, hermes

January 03, 2016 7:35 PM  
Blogger ninest123 Ninest said...

reebok shoes, herve leger, soccer shoes, vans, iphone cases, ray ban, timberland boots, new balance, p90x workout, instyler, converse, hollister, valentino shoes, hollister, mcm handbags, mac cosmetics, celine handbags, ferragamo shoes, abercrombie and fitch, chi flat iron, iphone 6 plus cases, beats by dre, nfl jerseys, mont blanc, oakley, north face outlet, gucci, soccer jerseys, lululemon, ipad cases, iphone 5s cases, birkin bag, iphone 6 cases, louboutin, ralph lauren, baseball bats, vans shoes, iphone 6s cases, nike roshe, asics running shoes, nike air max, jimmy choo shoes, iphone 6s plus cases, nike air max, insanity workout, s5 cases, north face outlet, wedding dresses, ghd, bottega veneta, giuseppe zanotti, babyliss

January 03, 2016 7:38 PM  
Blogger ninest123 Ninest said...

bottes ugg, louis vuitton, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, replica watches, canada goose, doke gabbana outlet, moncler, sac louis vuitton pas cher, swarovski, louis vuitton, swarovski crystal, marc jacobs, moncler outlet, canada goose, louis vuitton, pandora jewelry, pandora jewelry, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, juicy couture outlet, moncler, louis vuitton, ugg pas cher, pandora charms, moncler, wedding dresses, pandora charms, supra shoes, moncler, coach outlet, canada goose outlet, moncler, barbour, canada goose, thomas sabo, canada goose outlet, toms shoes, doudoune canada goose, canada goose uk, links of london, canada goose, montre pas cher, hollister, juicy couture outlet, moncler, barbour jackets, karen millen, lancel, converse outlet, moncler, ugg boots uk
ninest123 16.01

January 03, 2016 7:40 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home

About Us

View our complete profile