The Columbia MFA reunion, as much fun as a sabre-tipped colorectal exam
Struck me that it would be particularly enjoyable to go to my fifth year reunion from the Columbia MFA program last night, especially in light of the recent release of my first novel, SHAKING HER ASSETS. And enjoyable is one way of describing it. Another is "torturous skull-fuck."
The event took an immediate turn for the weird when I walked into the National Arts Club and saw Anna Wintour and a group of ridiculously stylie, brutally thin young women draped in clothes costing the balance of my student loan. Who were these Amazon blondes and what were they doing at a reunion of schlumpy writers? They were Vogue staffers, of course, and it was explained by the Writing Division chair, Alan Ziegler, that Vogue had been incredibly supportive of the writers in the program, and he hoped the relationship between the program and the magazine would continue. Who knew? But as I listened to him explain this to the crowd, I couldn't get the image of Shrek trying to woo Cameron Diaz out of my head.
The crowd was then welcomed by Bruce Ferguson, dean of Columbia's School of the Arts, and the man I'm holding responsible for recently trying to expel the best professor in the writing division, Richard Locke. Richard Locke was far and away the most excellent teacher and editor that program had, and without him, the quality of the classes will plummet. So as Ferguson waxed poetic on what a superior program we had with all the best teachers, I had all I could do to prevent myself from hissing loudly and spear-chucking a Vogue assistant in his direction.
Binnie Kirshenbaum, a faculty member and novelist then moderated a panel discussion between Morgan Entrekin Publisher, Grove Atlantic, Sara Nelson Editor-in-Chief, Publishers Weekly and Ira Silverberg Literary Agent, Donadio & Olson. They were all smart, thoughtful and candid panelists who were willing to spill the truth about publishing. And though it was nothing I hadn't heard before, perhaps specifically in light of the recent birth of SHAKING, every time they alluded to the fate of a young novelist whose books weren't flying off the shelves, they made me want to yank out clumps of my hair and hit myself in the head with mallet.
I couldn't bring myself to stick around for the schmooze-fest after the panel, instead I bee-lined for the elevator where I overheard Marina Rust explaining to William Norwich her aversion to the breast pump. As soon as I stopped rocking back and forth on the floor in the fetal position, I high-tailed it the hell home and did what I really learned to how to at Columbia, drink enough to make Papa proud.
The event took an immediate turn for the weird when I walked into the National Arts Club and saw Anna Wintour and a group of ridiculously stylie, brutally thin young women draped in clothes costing the balance of my student loan. Who were these Amazon blondes and what were they doing at a reunion of schlumpy writers? They were Vogue staffers, of course, and it was explained by the Writing Division chair, Alan Ziegler, that Vogue had been incredibly supportive of the writers in the program, and he hoped the relationship between the program and the magazine would continue. Who knew? But as I listened to him explain this to the crowd, I couldn't get the image of Shrek trying to woo Cameron Diaz out of my head.
The crowd was then welcomed by Bruce Ferguson, dean of Columbia's School of the Arts, and the man I'm holding responsible for recently trying to expel the best professor in the writing division, Richard Locke. Richard Locke was far and away the most excellent teacher and editor that program had, and without him, the quality of the classes will plummet. So as Ferguson waxed poetic on what a superior program we had with all the best teachers, I had all I could do to prevent myself from hissing loudly and spear-chucking a Vogue assistant in his direction.
Binnie Kirshenbaum, a faculty member and novelist then moderated a panel discussion between Morgan Entrekin Publisher, Grove Atlantic, Sara Nelson Editor-in-Chief, Publishers Weekly and Ira Silverberg Literary Agent, Donadio & Olson. They were all smart, thoughtful and candid panelists who were willing to spill the truth about publishing. And though it was nothing I hadn't heard before, perhaps specifically in light of the recent birth of SHAKING, every time they alluded to the fate of a young novelist whose books weren't flying off the shelves, they made me want to yank out clumps of my hair and hit myself in the head with mallet.
I couldn't bring myself to stick around for the schmooze-fest after the panel, instead I bee-lined for the elevator where I overheard Marina Rust explaining to William Norwich her aversion to the breast pump. As soon as I stopped rocking back and forth on the floor in the fetal position, I high-tailed it the hell home and did what I really learned to how to at Columbia, drink enough to make Papa proud.
posted by Robin
at 11:36 AM
60 Comments:
Richard Locke ran the writing program into the ground ten years ago, when he managed to become the chair of the department while simultaneously teaching downtown at NYU. He consistantly showed contempt for the fiction and poetry students and obviously had no idea whatsoever what the process of creating work might be. He also cause the department and the university some legal troubles before stepping down, although perhaps that was resolved out of court.
Aside from his inability to respond to unpublished work, Locke had a deep seated fear of being judged personally for the work of the students. His solution was that students work should be kept hidden from any editor agent or publisher. Any student who managed to get published on their own was considered with suspicion. It was a hideous place to be.
Needless to say, I'm a little astonished at your affection for him.
Hello Anonymous, very interesting to hear your thoughts. I'm the last person to consider myself a cheerleader for the program, but I'm very curious about your comment that Richard kept his students' work "hidden from any editor, agent or publisher."
What exactly do you mean by that? What could you mean by that?
I'm also a Columbia MFA recipient (albeit from the laughable Theater Division).
Please know that creatively bankrupt, administratively derelict department faculty (Arnold Aronson and Andrei Serban, in my day) can also be found stinking up the sixth floor of Dodge Hall.
Thanks for the opportunity to commiserate.
Anonymous #1 here. To answer your question:
We all thought it was strange that the writing program never invited anyone to give readings, or any editors or agents to even give a panel discussion about the business. So some people got together an invited some publishing people on their own, which was a huge controversy from Locke's point of view. Later, some people organized a reading off campus for students to try out their work; Locke felt that he should pick who was allowed to read, even though it wasn't even a department sponsored event. He also withdrew funding of the literary magazine, withdrew academic credit for the editors (mid-semester), and required that the students raise money on their own to print the thing, and follow the direction of an advisor from The New Yorker.
Etc.
Anonymous #1 here. To answer your question:
We all thought it was strange that the writing program never invited anyone to give readings, or any editors or agents to even give a panel discussion about the business. So some people got together an invited some publishing people on their own, which was a huge controversy from Locke's point of view. Later, some people organized a reading off campus for students to try out their work; Locke felt that he should pick who was allowed to read, even though it wasn't even a department sponsored event. He also withdrew funding of the literary magazine, withdrew academic credit for the editors (mid-semester), and required that the students raise money on their own to print the thing, and follow the direction of an advisor from The New Yorker.
Etc.
Anonymous #1 here. To answer your question:
We all thought it was strange that the writing program never invited anyone to give readings, or any editors or agents to even give a panel discussion about the business. So some people got together an invited some publishing people on their own, which was a huge controversy from Locke's point of view. Later, some people organized a reading off campus for students to try out their work; Locke felt that he should pick who was allowed to read, even though it wasn't even a department sponsored event. He also withdrew funding of the literary magazine, withdrew academic credit for the editors (mid-semester), and required that the students raise money on their own to print the thing, and follow the direction of an advisor from The New Yorker.
Etc.
Actually, I too attended the Writing program -- also during the Richard Locke reign -- and editors and agents DID come give a panel discussion about the business on more than one occasion. We also had our own readings off campus every week, with no administration involvement. So my experience was quite different!
Hello, I was there Wednesday night and was surprised how few people were there from my era. 1990-93. (Except for one psychotic trust fund bunny) I'm on Medicaid in CT now and had to borrow money to go. The entire panel seemed like a name-dropping circle jerk of who they represented. Then one of the panel began to mentioned the recent success stories of fellow students, not one mentioned by name. Interesting since that same day I read about my friend Scott Heim in the NY Yorker where he was lauded for his book 'Mysterious Skin," now a successful motion picture.
Since my train broke down coming in from CT, I was starved then shocked to see the tiny plates full of crackers, cheese and peanuts. While I began to go into hypoglycemic shock, I began to mingle, thinking my altered state of conciousness would work well with this crowd. Everytime I said something relatively amusing, whatever twit next to me kept saying, "can I use that line?" As soon as the panel was over, it began to be a sucking cigarette contest that made me want to jump from the six floor just to get fresh cool air.
OH, the other amazing Locke innovation was during our second year, when they overenrolled the fiction program and announced that second year students (about 30 of us) would compete for six available seats in the workshops.
Although I, too, received an MFA from Columbia, it was in the Film Division, which I must say is the single most disfunctional division/department anywhere in any country on any planet. There's this totally crazy egomaniac/damamaged divorcee named Lewis Cole who bullies everyone in to pretending they like him so they don't have to witness his mental breakdowns caused by a withholding of love and praise. The guy is like a giant adolescent girl (he's tall - like 10 feet tall and lurchy as I'll get out). The man is a sad, sad human.
Well, I didn't go to the reunion. I would have liked to see someone chuck a Vogue editorial assistant. They are so aerodynamic.
I was a poetry student, MFA 2002. I sat in on Locke's fiction & non-fiction seminars. He truly was a great lecturer. I wasn't aware of the other problems, but then, I wasn't a fiction student.
One thing I did notice was that many of the fiction and non-fiction students in his classes didn't seem to get the cultural references he made, from English folk songs to Greek myths, things that I feel anyone going into writing, or any form of the humanities, should know before applying to grad school--hell they should know these things before graduating high school. While at Columbia, I quickly learned to hide how much I knew from all but the other poetry students, who seemed to have read Plato and Wordsworth, if not Herdotus and Coleridge.
So maybe Richard Locke had a point in thinking that many students at the Columbia MFA program weren't up to snuff--I remember having to explain to a fellow student what a satyr was, and it's revelance to the word "satire." I felt horribly embarrassed doing so.
My major problem with the program, other than Lucie BB's spaz-outs, is that in many ways it's a finishing school for the well-heeled. Students should be told that, if they don't have trust funds, it won't be easy when they leave.
A New Anonymous:
I was a fiction student and editor of the lit mag in the mid 90s, when the events described by Anon # 1 took place. My recollection of what happened, and Locke's role in it, couldn't be more different. The program had serious financial problems, and they seriously effected the magazine and everything else about that crappy place, but I put the blame for that squarely on the University and not on Locke. I thought he was a good professor and a good chairman. He's not the warmest guy in the world, and he can certainly be awkward, but what do you expect at an MFA program?
I guess maybe the difference in point of view regarding the department and Locke depends on whether you wanted an MFA or a degree in literature. I came to Columbia for the supposed creative environment, which Locke didn't seem interested in nuturing at all. I avoided his seminars, because the department catalog claimed they were supposed to be small discussion based meetings, while his were actually 70 person literature lectures. I did have a number of great workshop leaders though, most of whom were run off by the great Locke. One of them was berated by him for wanting to take time off after recieving a MacArthur award. He actually yelled at the person.
It was odd to me though, in general, the number of rich kids who wanted to be told what to write and how to write it. They were also the people who loved Locke and his classes. I wanted to be pushed creatively and discuss the creative process...a difference of opionion, but an odd one to encounter at a school of the arts.
Wow. I was at Columbia (GS) from 88 to 92, and went to lots of fiction and poetry classes at the G MFA school. The fiction classes uniformly sucked, the poetry classes were all good. Writers (I'm one) are pitiful creatures -- poets are usually lion-hearted beauties. The upshot? I do pretty good in Hollywood right now, and it had bupkus to do with school.
My advice is to go to Columbia for the bragging rights, the social cachet, and the possible networking later (but mostly the cachet, out here in the Wood, Ivy League has enormous cachet, probably due to the schmatte (SP) origins of the film biz "oy vey, an Ivy Leaguer!" But as far as Columbia helping you creatively? Gimme a fuckin' break.
The best decision I ever made was not to blow four years and god knows how many thousands of (my rapidy dwindling, never large) trust fund dollars to spend MORE time in school at Yale Drama. The minute I got out to the Wood and got a peon job I had Yale Drama fuckwits calling me to see if they could 'intern' for me -- and I WAS a fuckin' intern!
The Ivy Leagues are great -- but we should realize they are exactly like country clubs -- you don't learn anything there you couldn't learn at Kansas State University for a tenth the price -- but oh, the latte at K State just doesn't taste the same, does it, my dears?
Wow. I was at Columbia (GS) from 88 to 92, and went to lots of fiction and poetry classes at the G MFA school. The fiction classes uniformly sucked, the poetry classes were all good. Writers (I'm one) are pitiful creatures -- poets are usually lion-hearted beauties. The upshot? I do pretty good in Hollywood right now, and it had bupkus to do with school.
My advice is to go to Columbia for the bragging rights, the social cachet, and the possible networking later (but mostly the cachet, out here in the Wood, Ivy League has enormous cachet, probably due to the schmatte (SP) origins of the film biz "oy vey, an Ivy Leaguer!" But as far as Columbia helping you creatively? Gimme a fuckin' break.
The best decision I ever made was not to blow four years and god knows how many thousands of (my rapidy dwindling, never large) trust fund dollars to spend MORE time in school at Yale Drama. The minute I got out to the Wood and got a peon job I had Yale Drama fuckwits calling me to see if they could 'intern' for me -- and I WAS a fuckin' intern!
The Ivy Leagues are great -- but we should realize they are exactly like country clubs -- you don't learn anything there you couldn't learn at Kansas State University for a tenth the price -- but oh, the latte at K State just doesn't taste the same, does it, my dears?
Wow. I was at Columbia (GS) from 88 to 92, and went to lots of fiction and poetry classes at the G MFA school. The fiction classes uniformly sucked, the poetry classes were all good. Writers (I'm one) are pitiful creatures -- poets are usually lion-hearted beauties. The upshot? I do pretty good in Hollywood right now, and it had bupkus to do with school.
My advice is to go to Columbia for the bragging rights, the social cachet, and the possible networking later (but mostly the cachet, out here in the Wood, Ivy League has enormous cachet, probably due to the schmatte (SP) origins of the film biz "oy vey, an Ivy Leaguer!" But as far as Columbia helping you creatively? Gimme a fuckin' break.
The best decision I ever made was not to blow four years and god knows how many thousands of (my rapidy dwindling, never large) trust fund dollars to spend MORE time in school at Yale Drama. The minute I got out to the Wood and got a peon job I had Yale Drama fuckwits calling me to see if they could 'intern' for me -- and I WAS a fuckin' intern!
The Ivy Leagues are great -- but we should realize they are exactly like country clubs -- you don't learn anything there you couldn't learn at Kansas State University for a tenth the price -- but oh, the latte at K State just doesn't taste the same, does it, my dears?
I was at the film division in the nineties--what a disaster. I went through some four chairs during my years there. Constant flux. Controversies. Seemingly everything was broken. Morale was low.
I wrote a protest manifesto a la Luther on a whiteboard that made a lot of news around the div., but then the same ol' inertia came back in. Annette Insdorf and Lewis Cole blew a lot of hot air, made promises, but nothing happened.
What the poetry student said above about lit--the same was true for the film division. If Speilberg didn't direct it or if it'd been made before 1970, they knew nothing about it. I'm still paying it off. I'll be damned if they EVER get another nickel out of me.
I was in the nonfiction division and I thought Locke was a successful workshop instructor--he was diplomatic and he pushed me hard and I got shit done and I got better. He is an asset to the program and while people may disagree with him, I can't find a single professor anywhere in the country who doesn't have opposition. While I didn't enjoy his fiction lectures as much because I thought they leaned more toward lit classes than writing classes, they actually held my attention. And as for the dude who found poetry classes more engaging that's just a matter of taste.
People are bitching about the program all the time, but many of the people who bitch are the ones who are getting published. THe question is would you have gotten published without going to the program? Would you have even written anything or would you have just sat there saying maybe one day you'll finish that novel?
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