One of These Things...

Take a gander at the photo from this week's New York magazine's LOOK BOOK feature. Yeah, yeah, I know, terrifying, but don't turn away: there's a secret hidden in this picture! How oh-so-very Da Vinci Code, no? And I doubt even the editors at NEW YORK realize what they've gotten here. So in honor of Tom Hanks's follicular debacle, look and see if you can divine this picture's most interesting element:

Whaddya say? Think it's dog walker Suzanne's intense Whoopi Goldberg-meets-Morticia Addams-cum-George Clinton fright wig? It's a good guess, but really, you can find that hair on any suburban runaway who'll be littering the streets of NYC come summertime.

Maybe you're thinking, "Holy shit, it's Spuds MacKenzie! Dude, I'd heard he'd died in the eighties when someone fed him Pop Rockets and Pepsi." Wrong! That was just a urban legend, you goose! Both he and Mikey are living together in perfect harmony on a farm in Montana.

Oh, now you're checking out the blue bra on the cutesie white dog, aren't you? Well quit it, you perv! We'll have none of that man-on-dog action here. We leave that sort of thinking to the Republicans.

Give up? Well, that outfit you have on would certainly imply it...

S'okay, I'll tell you, but as I say, it's a secret, a secret that could rock... whatever. I have it on very good authority (mine own eyes--I see Suzanne regularly walking around my 'hood) that the pretty little dog in the foreground--yes, the one that looks like Charlotte's from Sex And the City--is actually the pup of Middle Earth PrincessLiv Tyler and house husbandRoyston "Don't Call Me K-Fed" Langdon.

Fascinating, huh? Okay, yeah, I know, outing celebrity doggies does not a big scoop make, but dollars to donuts if this nugget gets out, next thing you know, be-dreadlocked Suzanne will be bumping Oprah's Dog Whisperer off the best seller list in no time.