Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Last-Minute DIY Costume Ideas

If you live in the West Village as I do, it's virtually impossible to forget the approach of Halloween. Not only because everyday is a form of Halloween here, but also because stores start preparing for this most holy of days in mid-July. But say you're not Liv Tyler or Gwyneth, Julianne Moore, Jodie Foster, Willem DaFoe or Meryl Streep, and you don't live within spitting distance of me. (And seriously, Willem, if you could stop spitting, we'd all appreciate it.)

Say you also somehow missed the memo that Halloween is all about dressing like a slut. (And seriously, "news" folk, if you could stop writing the same story, we'd all appreciate it.) Well you might just have woken up and thought, "Holy hell! Today is Halloween and I have positively nothing to wear!

Well fret not, children, because I'm coming to your rescue with a list of easy Do-It-Yourself topical Halloween costumes that won't require much work at all. Remember, all it really takes to be convincing is a look of confidence (and a razor blade)!

Grown-Up Suri Cruise - a tee shirt that reads, "My Mom birthed me silently, and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt and thousands of dollars in therapy bills," a lifetime membership card to Xenon's Players Club, and a minder from the Church of Scientology.

LonelyGirl15 - Eyebrow wax, a tank top, camera crew, and the naiveté of a nation of horny young men.

Pre-Op Alex Kuczynski - Fat ass, wrinkled brow, thin lips, low self-esteem.

George Allen - Confederate flag, Jewish star, foot in mouth, flaming bag of "macaca."

George Clooney - smug look, hybrid car, 7,000 gallons of fuel used for his private jet habit.

I'm sure there's also something to be done with Dick Cheney and a shotgun, Barbra Streisand and a potty mouth, Rush Limbaugh and his special room in hell, but no doubt you're creative and can figure these out yourselves. Also, if you have any other ideas you'd like to share, please feel free to do so.

Have a happy Halloween!


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Steve Wynn's busted Picasso - an elbow-sized hole in your forearm that leaks $139 million.

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