As CEO of Amaranth Advisers, it falls to me to pass along some news. Happily, my youngest, Trip, began his Senior year at Choate without incident -- fingers crossed he'll be Harvard's problem next year! Judy and I celebrated our second anniversary in Mustique, and since she's 21 now, we were even allowed to celebrate with some champagne! And our hedge fund lost $3 billion.
This might be a bit of a shock to those of you who attended last week's investors meeting at the Four Seasons with COO, Charles Winkler, where he assured you that the fund was actually up 25% for the year. But, in fairness to Charlie, that was before a few nervous nellies started dumping large stakes in convertible bonds (whereas those fellas usually just dump large steaks in convertible blondes -- Hi-yo!)
Over the past few years there have been rumblings that hedge funds like ours, you know, the secret, unregulated kind, could create "widespread financial disruptions," but our philosophy has always been "we're too rich to care what peasants think." And some may say that in 2004, when we protested an SEC ruling to register with federal regulators, saying, "Amaranth does not 'operate in the shadows' outside regulatory scrutiny," we were lying in a BIG, big way, that we're now being hoisted by our own petard, that this is karmic payback for standing on the shoulders of working Americans (in our golf spikes) and laughing as we danced a jig.
Well, all I have to say is fret not! Remember the consequences for those involved with Long Term Capital a few years ago? I know, me neither! Talk about Short Term Memory. I mean, yes, right now you're thinking, "I'm out $3 billion." And all I can say to that is "oopsie." But don't you worry, we'll find someone to blame for this... and just a guess, he'll be a registered Democrat! Those people are always trying to take the money out of our fur-lined pockets, aren't they?
Feel better? I'm glad. Anyway, we'll catch up at the club at some point soon, I'm sure. If you need to reach me in the next few weeks, I'll be between banks in the Caymans, Switzerland and Dubai.
Thurston McEatthepoor III