Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Where Did You Go? Where Did You Go Now-ooh-ow-ooh-owowowow?

Readers of this blog will no doubt remember that not so long ago another large presence loomed here, piping up and spouting off about all manner of matter. But that voice (let's call it "Renée") has fallen silent for the past two months or so. Why? you've no doubt wondered. Where did this Renée go? you've asked. Was there some nasty falling out? Did the bizarre love triangle here go horribly awry? Has she fled the country for reasons Roman Polansky could relate to? Is she in a Mexican prison? Will we see her as the next break-out star of Survivor: Djibouti?

These are all good questions, and they bring us to the next new feature on the Shaking Blog where we ask you, our anonymous and sometimes angry readers (hi Mom!), to come up with fakely plausible explanations for her vanishing act and where our dear departed gal might have gone. We also encourage you to provide sightings of her (a la Gawker Stalker) telling us where you last spied Renee and what she was doing at the time.

At some point this "Renée" (if that really is her name) will weigh in, but it's hard to know when this private dancer will get her next smoke break. So let the guessing game begin...


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sighting:Today, 11:55 am Galleria Mall, Buffalo, NY. I could swear that I just saw her buying the new JoJo CD at the best buy. She was by herself and seemed to be friendly to the staff. She really likes JoJo.

October 24, 2006 1:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I saw Renee in Orlando, Florida last week. She was being trailed by seven little people and was about to bite into a delicious red apple. She looked pretty but tired and kept muttering something to the effect of "someday my prince will come," followed by, "quit following me, you stupid midgets."

October 24, 2006 3:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Disillusioned by the arrogance, superficiality and celebrity-driven nature of national media, Renee foreswore herself and is now toiling away for a New York City megafirm - never to be heard from again.

October 24, 2006 5:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Disillusioned by the arrogance, superficiality and celebrity-driven culture of the national media institutions to which she had dedicated her life, Renee foreswore herself and is now toiling away for a New York City mega-law firm (Greed, Money & Loot, LP) - never to be heard from again.

How's that?

October 24, 2006 5:50 PM  
Blogger Robin said...

I think that firm should give Dewey, Cheatum & Howe, LLP a good run for its money!

October 24, 2006 6:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's funny you should ask this question, Robin.

An internet video resume from a Yale senior has been circulating the blogosphere. In it, a tall, self-possessed Yalee documents his various physical feats - hitting a tennis ball at 140 mph, bench pressing 495 lbs, breaking a stack of 10 bricks with a single blow of his hand, ski jumping and dancing with a skantily clad (black sports bra and butt-length, butt-hugging black skirt) RENEE KAPLAN or at least it sure looks like her (see for yourself below).

October 24, 2006 6:10 PM  
Blogger Robin said...

Okay, that's hilarious! I'd not seen that video before, but I must admit it's good, oh, it's good... And I can totally see what you mean about the attractive dancer. But for the fact that this video vixen is Asian, she's a ringer for Renee.

Nice spot, Yalee!

October 25, 2006 9:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Clearly she's in Milwaukee.

October 30, 2006 4:20 PM  

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