Monday, February 13, 2006

Cheney Takes Gold in Lawyer Shooting Competition

Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick. Sure, everyone knows the joke "What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?... A good start." But not everyone goes and shoots themselves an attorney at law. Well, that's how our Vice President is different from you and me, I suppose.

On Saturday the Prince of Darkness rustled himself up some lawyer meat whilst on a hunting expedition in Texas. Veep Cheney, an "experienced" hunter according to the New York Times, was on a ranch in Texas when he shot Harry Whittington, a lawyer and former member of the Texas Board of Corrections (who says God doesn't have a sense of humor, eh?) in the cheek, neck and chest. So, yes, Virginia, it turns out the Second Amendment is more than just a photo opportunity!

Let's think: on how many levels is this story disturbing and wrong? And let's assume for a minute that the man shooting was unintentional...

Okay, so Our Vice President chooses to spend his down time shooting at things. This is how he relaxes. (Sounds like the beginning of an H.G. Wells story, doesn't it?) Here's another thing: I'm not saying hunting--the shooting at defenseless creatures with a big bad ass gun--is an undignified sport (okay, wait, yes, that's EXACTLY what I'm saying). I'm also saying is that you'd think Cheney would be able to get his rocks off knowing that he's been torturing defenseless creatures on a global scale at least since the reign of GB-I. Also, uh, I don't want to give advice to the NRA, but is this really the best way to show to the country/world that gun ownership is a good idea/doesn't lead to accidents/doesn't cause unnecessary suffering? I'm gonna go with "not so much."

But being a girl, I suppose I don't understand much about the world of men and their firearms. Sure, I know "guns don't kill people, bullets kill people." Yet in this instance (and in so many others I think we can cite) we just might be able to tweak that phrase to "guns don't kill people, our Vice President does."


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