See You in September!

We'd write something clever about how we're closing shop for the rest of August, taking a much needed respite --


Renee's off to Paris (Texas), Jay's off to the country (Rehab), I'm off the fake tanner (not really)-- but the amusing little elves who write our zingers have already made like bakery trucks and hauled buns. See? Told you.

We'll be back in September though, so check back then if you're bored, lonely, and need to laugh at someone else's expense!

This Day in History

Know what today is? Today is August 14th! Sure, that was an easy one -- even the contestants on The World Series of Pop Culture could have gotten that one right. But I mean do you know why this date in history is special? Aside from the fact that 3 years ago to the day NYC was plunged into darkness during the aptly named "August 14th, 2003 Blackout"?


Well children-who-like-history, today is not only special because it's the anniversary of the "Oregon Territory," which Congress created on this day in 1848, as the area encompassing present-day Oregon, Idaho, Washington, and western Montana. It's also not just the day that Nehru granted Indian independence in 1947. Or the day that the very first issue of Field and Stream Magazine went to press in 1873. Wasn't just the day in 1945 that US President Harry S. Truman announced that Japan surrendered during WWII, either.

Turns out on this day in 1973, our very own Renee Kaplan arrived in this world. Okay, not the Renee Kaplan pictured here. I have no idea when this one was born, nor do I know why she chose to wear sandals with pantyhose. I mean this Renee Kaplan, bon vivant, cupcake lover, all around great girl and Half/Life rockstar.

Seems like this is going to be quite the big year for our little girl... yesss, big things are afoot, which she might or might not tell you about herself. But right now all you need to know is that today, August 14th, is Renee's birthday, and we're sending her all best wishes for a fabulous birthday and wonderful year to come!

Rocky Returns To Battle Senility, Maybe Also Dementia

When stuck for something to post about, it's always a good idea to turn to CNN online. And today they didn't disappoint. Apparently, Sylvester Stallone has offered to donate the statue of Rocky to the city of Philadelphia and house it at the base of the museum steps that he runs up in that iconic scene from the first movie. (Remember? All those kids cheering him on? I don't see that as a likely scenario today. Tyson would probably eat one of the kids.)

Anyway, the city said no. It's not art, they tsk-tsked. It's a prop. Now, that's kind of cold. Frankly, Philly should jump at all efforts to promote the city. BUT, what was most surprising about the news item was that the statue was donated in order to promote ANOTHER ROCKY MOVIE.

WTF????

Yep, Sly is dragging his saggy man boobs and leathery complexion back into the ring for one more go around. Who's his opponent, Tanya Harding? His mother?

Not sure this is a good move, Sly. Probably better than Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, but still not good.

Maybe it could get fucking hotter!

Pardon my French, but this heat is fucking ridiculous. I was going to post earlier in the day, but I literally turned into one of those Wonder Twins puddles. And the New York Times wasn't helping matters by putting this picture in the paper. It's like, Grandma, I know it's hot, but put a fucking bra on! Oy.


So since we're very pro-environment here on the Shaking Blog--in a "just don't fuck with my air conditioner" kind of way--we urge all of you to turn off all unnecessary appliances like your computer right this moment. Wait! Before you do that, though, be sure to check out these two sites because right now they're running articles featuring my esteemed (hot) fellow Shakers:

The Food Section - by Mlle Renee Kaplan
McSweeney's - by Monsieur Jay Dyckman

An American (apartment-hunting) in Paris

You know the old idea that 'there's no free lunch'?

And how that old idea is especially true of New York City real estate, where not only is there no free lunch, you usually end up buying it for the broker and the movers and the owners and the super, and STILL they somehow neglected to tell you abut that rodent issue?

Well, I'm currently discovering a whole new adage in a whole new language in a whole new real estate market. It goes something like this: "there's no free déjeuner." Shockingly, Parisian apartment-hunting (which I'll be doing all week) is just as fun as the New York kind! Full of all that secret language and those little rituals so dear to the beloved brokers of New York.

A few examples:
--what they call a "dressing" here, or a dressing room, is actually a walk-in closet, where walk-in means big enough to fit an anorexic toddler.
--"charming" here translates as the-owner-is-too-cheap-renovate-this decade. it CAN also mean it has lovely 18th century ceiling beams and pleasant wrought-iron work on the balcony, but that's generally not at your "price point" as they like to say ("prah-eece poe-eentah").
--and there is one "charming" asset the brokers are particularly find of, and that's when an apt is "dans les toits," or "beneath the roofs." which is like a concise way of saying the walls slope enough that the anorexic toddler might not be able to stand as he gets out of bed. But that's actually kind of charming.

But tomorow my personal relocation agent, Philippe, is taking me around to appointments all day on his Vespa, so I just might get lucky soon, in some way or the other. And all you anorexic toddlers can totally come visit.