Not So Fast!
Dahlinks, I'm back. Not really back back, if you will, but back to say that I've been away, I still am, and that you can't get rid of me so easily. I'd like to thank the kind, concerned readers who've written in after having thought they saw me, because I think that Robin and Jay have been worried. That I might come back. And to know that I'm holed up in a redneck zipcode in upstate New York listening to JoJo and eating Arby's sandwiches at the mall gives them the comforting conviction that I'm too far gone to ever come back.
Fact is, though, that wasn't I. Nor was that I in Orlando, muttering "someday my prince will come," because, frankly, I know that unless I lure him in with an x-box and sex on demand, I know for sure he never will.
But it is true that I am gone. In fact, I've abandoned the American continent entirely. I'm far away from Robin and Jay, far away from all that makes life good in Anerica--candy corn, pedophilia in office, christians concerned about the environment, Barak Obama For President--far away from life as I used to know it here in SkakingHerAssets Land.
I can't tell you where I am, because then you'll lose interest and move on to the next missing girl, but I will give you a few clues: Smoking is still allowed in bars, the cabs aren't yellow, and everyone's apartment building has a code to get in, because we know you'd be on us like leopards to a felled gazelle if you knew where we were...