Friday, June 30, 2006

Whole Foods and a Whole Lot More

After taking a job near a Whole Foods recently, I thought I hit paydirt. Fresh food and a chance to rub elbows with Uma Thurman at the salad bar? Yes, thank you. But there’s a drawback I hadn’t counted on. It appears that Whole Foods is ground zero for every lefty campaign/advocacy group in the tri-state area. Want to save the whales? Stalk Whole Foods customers. Concerned about sweatshop labor? Then hustle over to 24th and 7th to get down with those who crave organic.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m all for the Democrats taking back Congress and for outfitting every spotted owl with its own Prius. I really do care deeply about these issues. Just not enough to break stride.

But since I consider myself an empathetic person, I always take time to mouth “sorry” with an accompanying waist-level hand wave that says both “wish I weren’t in such a rush” and “seriously, don’t come any closer.” Sadly, the ipod used to provide enough of a deterrent, but now it just serves as a reason for them to talk LOUDER when strolling alongside you.

But it makes me wonder: What’s the Whole Foods equivalent? Where’s a young GOP’er go to rally the faithful? I say it’s Dean & Deluca. That place has always had a “Let them eat $55.00 Flourless Lemon Almond Cake” vibe. (And it's not like we have a Wal-Mart in town.) And, oh, I should be so lucky to have a D&D move in next to Whole Foods. The inevitable rumble would just be too delicious. Clipboards at high noon! The right to be ignored by an apathetic lunch crowd hangs in the balance.


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