SHAKING blog

Friday, June 23, 2006

I'm Sorry You're Such A Pussy


Wow, Robin’s really on a tear this week. Smackin' up Rather. Sticking it to Curly. Easy girl. Get back on your meds. Curly and Rather are just trying to make a buck, like everyone else. Now I know you made things right with Dan this week, but what about Curly? I think you owe Curly an apology.

But not an Ozzie Guillen apology. No, definitely not one of those.

For those of you who use the sports page to line your kitty box, Ozzie Guillen is the manager of the Chicago White Sox (that’s baseball, Robin). And he’s a little, oh, how do you say it, um,…oh, right…batshit insane! Successful, but crazy nonetheless. For example, earlier this month, Ozzie was seen chewing out one of his pitchers on live tv for failing to throw at a batter’s head. (Yes, this is a baseball thing. When one of your guys gets thrown at, you order the pitcher to retaliate. But Ozzie’s pitcher did throw at the guy. It’s just that he missed. So Ozzie went nuclear.) Well, Ozzie went and did it again. Only this time it was much worse. This time he referred to an admittedly awful Chicago sports writer as a fag. Oh, Ozzie. How positively eighties of you.

Now of course it’s hateful and wrong. So Ozzie went into damage control mode. His first attempt? In his country, Venezuela, “that word is not a reference to a person's sexuality, but to his courage.” Uh, not so helpful, Ozzie. Try again. His second attempt? Ozzie says he has gay friends, goes to WNBA games, went to the Madonna concert and plans to attend the Gay Games in Chicago. A little better, Ozzie, but still too “I mean, I’m not a racist, I have lots of black friends”-esque. And WNBA games? Come on.

But here’s the kicker. His third attempt. The ultimate in sports and politics apologies. Drumroll please….

“If I hurt anybody with what I called him, I apologize."

Ta da! Yes, the non-apology apology! The ultimate way to say, “whatever, if you’re such a sensitive little pussy that my hateful remarks bother you, well, I’m sorry for you.” People, there is no “if.” You know what you said and you know it was wrong. You know it offended people. You are simply sorry. When, oh when, is someone going to offer an apology that simply says “I hurt people with what I said and I’m sorry.”

Robin, the floor is yours. Curly is waiting.

3 Comments:

Blogger Robin said...

Jay, you are so right. Let the healing begin:

If any pasty-faced, frizzy-haired dwarfs with the fashion sense of Nick Nolte on a bender were offended by my remark, allow me to play a song for you on the world's smallest violin.

June 23, 2006 12:48 PM  
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