SHAKING blog

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Namibian Names


If you have a heartbeat, you know that Brangelina are having their baby soon, that unlike their TomKitten counterparts, they're not doing any crazy scientologist shit like silent birth and adult-size pacifiers. No, instead they decided to have the baby at a beach resort in a remote Southern African country called Namibia. You know, Namibia--famous for its diamonds and its maternity wards. Just FYI, Namibia is sometimes called The Land God Made In Anger.

Apparently Angie and Brad did a little baby-shopping in Paris (as would I if I were super-pregs and about to burst) and then hopped a flight to Africa (which I wouldn't do for a trillion Euros and a lifetime supply of business-class upgrades). But Angie's taking this goodwill ambassador shit seriously, and she's doing a lovely job of proving that Western medicine is really overrated. Or that free-ranging lions are are an effective anti-papparazzi tactic.

Best of all, it appears that as the baby is going to be born in Namibia, they're going to give him a Namibian name (as reported by the prez of Namibia, who breakfasted with the Brangelina a few days ago). But what exactly are some Namibian names? What might possibly be the name of the little sister to Zahara Marley Jolie-Pitt and Maddox Chivan Jolie-Pitt? Well, I did a little research and here are a few possibilities. Readers should feel free to vote on their fave.

1) Nehason Jolie-Pitt
2) Namholo Jolie-Pitt
3) Ueyulu Jolie-Pitt
4) Mandume Jolie-Pitt
5) Onomastikon Jolie-Pitt

Tha last one sounds a bit like an oral surgery procedure, but just go with it. Think of the nickname potential: "Ono Pitt."

17 Comments:

Anonymous Leah said...

I hope to god they just name him John or something equally boring and plain.

Poor kid.

April 18, 2006 5:38 PM  
Blogger Robin said...

I contend someone that genetically blessed doesn't need a first name.

Still, I vote for #3 - Ueyulu. Reminds me of a cross between the words Ukulele, Uvula and Hey-you-too-bad-you'll-never-lead-a-normal-life.

April 19, 2006 9:35 AM  
Anonymous J. Harrington said...

Merciful tools! And why do we all follow this tacky couple's activities? In the long view do we really care? I pity the futures of the three children.
They should name the child Whango-Umi.

April 24, 2006 12:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am writing from Namibia - just for your information, we do have beautiful names and live in a very beautiful country!! I am proud that Angelina and Brad chose to have their baby here. We have up to date technology! So those ignorant will never know or learn what the rest of the world has to offer, there is good and bad in every country, including America - I know because I have also been and lived there.

April 26, 2006 6:46 AM  
Anonymous lourah said...

just to give a great sample of englisch (sorry, non-nativ-us-american, whatever that might be) names (and I'm being ironic here):

1) Larry (reminds me of lardy)
2) Randy (reminds me of random)
3) Monty (Python???)
4) Bruce (Brucy??? Brute, surely)
5) Danny (Dumbhead)

and for the girls:
1) Mary (Holy shit)
2) Dorothy (Don't rot here)
3) Sandy (badly washed salad in a cheap motel on one of your great highways full of stinking truckers with big fat bellys and no brains)
4) Betty (fatty)
5) Kimberly (something stupid, blond and giggling, with no sense of whats going on in the world whatsoever.)

must be great to live in a country where every name sounds the same.

May 25, 2006 2:16 PM  
Anonymous Sasha said...

I am an American who lived in a rural Namibia village for two years with a Namibian family. Ongame Sasha. Ondi hole aantu yaNamibia. Namibia is beautiful and has great names. Maybe the writer should stop masturbating to Brad and do better research before going totally neg next time.

August 08, 2006 9:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I travelled to Namibia a few months ago. And unless you have been there, which I doubt you have reading your article you should save the skeptic attitude and research the country further as you would find it peaceful and beautiful, and deffinatley no lions at every turn of the corner.

June 14, 2008 11:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

am african and am offended by the way you have potrayed our continent....FYI the lions do not roam free and if they do we are blesses b'cause we live with the nature s'thing you do not...and it's next to the beach that they chose to have the baby...how powerful...too bad that you do not like our continent, but funny thing that you all come here for holidays...i wonder why????

March 16, 2009 3:55 AM  
Anonymous www.teresaestevez.com said...

Oh my god, there's a great deal of useful material in this post!

October 27, 2011 2:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pity how narrow minded you seemingly educated folk are. Such a shame

December 02, 2012 5:48 PM  
Anonymous Kassandra said...

My fiance was born in namibia, and we are expecting our baby in september, if its a boy we will name him with my fiances first name and my grandpas first name as a middle name. Angelina and Brad are a loving caring family that have a huge diverse family, which on end is truly amazing... I'm glad that angelina is able to have her child there....Its not every day that a pregnant women wake up and say " hey i think ill have my baby in this country, or this country or this country etc. So kudos to you angelina and brad. Your amazing parents and I am pretty sure your kids wouldnt have it any other way.

January 15, 2014 11:39 PM  
Anonymous Pandu said...

Some of you people are beyond ignorant. I am Namibia. I have lived here all my life. I have never seen a lion except on TV. go figure!

August 12, 2014 8:09 AM  
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