Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Rich Daddy

We all know that schadenfreude is an ugly thing, a nasty little symptom of our inherent pettiness as a species. It's wrong and mean and small-minded. And we all know that it tastes delicious. So I thought I'd serve a little dish of it today.

Let's say you're a big rich man--a big mogul even--who makes ungodly money, wields obscene power, enjoys strapppingly healthy older age, and has recently married a woman--a newbile schoolteacher, no less--about, say, 1/3 of your age. Let's say that because your money is in media, because you are the billionaire who controls one of the world's biggest media conglomerates, you appear often in Page Six, your bald pate gleaming as brightly as your megawatt grin (dentures?), as you squire around your schoolteacher plaything-cum-wife to various benefits. (Just some fun facts, because who doesn't like a girl who knows a boondoggle when she marries one? Check out a few items the schoolteacher chose for her wedding registry: Nespresso espresso machine ($399), an Arte Italica wine ice bucket ($320), a Steuben Minoan bowl ($1,500), and a Moser wavy vase ($1,175).)

Then what happens, motherfucker, is that your bitter, rancorous, emotionally crippled and angry son sues you. Oooooh, awkward.

That's what's currently happening to Sumner Redstone, billionaire media mogul who controls Viacom and CBS, who appears to have been a bit of a motherfucker in real life, too. Sumner is 82--his wife is younger than I am--and his daughter, in her 50's, has been designated as the heir to control of the company. But his son Brent, little wanky Brent, Brent who probably threw a girly football pass, who didn't make the lacrosse team, and who undoubetdly got kicked out of Milton for failing to show charisma and have sex with co-eds, is angwhy. Very angwhy. Anghwhy because he feels he has not been treated as fairly as his sister. Brent is now 55, and is suing for the dissolution of his daddy's company, so he can have access to his one-sixth interest in the company...which cashes out at $1.3 billion. That would be a nice Fuck You to Daddy.

Daddy sensed early on that there might be some filial bonding issues, and he tried to take care of the matter discreetly, by sending Brent to South America in the 90's to run the family's "theater business" down there--which seemd both out of the way and, well, probably just right for Brent. But Brent had a love for Colorado--and cowboys--and he insisted on wanting to come back. He now lives on a ranch in Evergreen, Co., gets at leats a million dollars a year in revenue just from having the last name Redstone, and evidently seethes in resentment.

Wouldn't it be super-funny if pansy-boy actually made his big daddy pay out?


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March 08, 2006 5:43 PM  

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