From Martha to Donald
If you, like me, are so way over Nicole and Paris, Angelina and Jen, Fitty and Ja, and all the other feuding celebs, you'll be psyched to know that there's a New New Duo of Dueling Celebrities: Martha v. Donald! It appears that the Donald took poorly to some comments Martha made about him in a Newsweek story published this week.
Martha, who is well-known for her contrition and her integrity, as well as public displays of warmth, is also, clearly, a diva of diplomacy. Which is why she decided to blame Trump for the failure of her version of The Apprentice. She says that she was supposed to have fired Trump on the first episode of her show! Trump, confused by Martha's mixed signals--I thought she loved me!--and possibly stunned that she could be so phenomenally stupid as to alienate someone as volatile and crass as himself, naturally fired back today in a letter, with his usual class and good taste. About her show: "I knew it would fail as soon as I first saw it"..."Despite this, I did nothing but positively promote you"..."you made this firing up just as you made up your sell order of ImClone."
Well, Martha, who can't bear to feel she's hurt a friend, responded with a letter too, which R&R have procured and printed, in full, below.
Your letter is so mean-spirited and reckless that I almost can’t believe my long-time friend Donald Trump wrote it. I am very proud of the work I did while on trial downtown, and while relaxing in the clink. I did nothing but obstruct justice, scowl, look aggrieved and generally display an arrogant indifference to, well, the plain old fucking law. Many young entrepreneurs learned so much from my performance and enjoyed it.
In my version of The Apprentice, I brought that same can-do spirit of chilly superiority. I was nothing but condescending and, worse, boring. Many families sat their children down weekly to watch it.
We are even more pleased with our excellent daytime show Martha—syndicated by NBC Universal—which has just been nominated for six daytime Emmys, including best show and best host. While this is utterly dumbfounding, both to me and to you, it must be that enough psycho Alias fans tuned in to watch me teach Jennifer Garner how to make yogurt that the ratings just went bonkers.
So, Donald, what can I say? you really let me down and hurt my feelings.