God to Ariel: Drop Dead
I'd been missing Pat Robertson. His wisdom, his forbearance, his kindness. He's a Christian man of God, spreading the word and the love of Jesus all around him, and a bigot so shameless and brazen you just gotta laugh. And, praise be to the Lord, Patty usually busts out with a funny one pretty frequently.
Like, just yesterday. I have heard about Christian compassion and Christian tolerance, all that loving thy neighbor stuff, but nobody really puts it into action quite like Pat. He weighed in yesterday on Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's critical health situation. He talked about how Ariel and he had prayed together, about how Ariel is "a tender-hearted man and a good friend." He said he was real sad to see Ariel in his current medical condition.
And then he said it was that fatso's own damn fault. You see, Pat explained on TV to his many gazillion spectators, Ariel's stroke was divine punishment for "dividing God's land." That's right. "God considers this land to be his," Pat said, "and for any prime minister of Israel who decides he is going to carve it up and give it away, God says, 'no, this is mine.'" Which, Pat implies, translates as, "Drop dead, you land-carving fatso."
So I'd like to thank Pat for revealing to all of us God's mysterious ways, with--as always--such enormous sensitivity and insight. Amen.