Monday, November 28, 2005

We Want Pre-nup!

Continuing in the series of Mystifying Stories About Celebs Who Can't Seem to Not Get Married After Dating For Barely Thirty Seconds is an update today on Nick and Jess.

One of the reasons I continue to be especially mystified by this phenom is my presumption that these inter-marriages between gazillionaire celebs must be logistically complicated, because what wealthy star is going to get married without a pre-nup? Both Renée and Kenny wore independently sick rich--and of course they were crazy in love, of course Renée had Kenny at "howdy!", of course they just knew it was gonna last forever, but of course they must have signed a pre-nup. Why? Because they are obscenely rich adults who, despite the whole silly getting married thing, surely understand that it's an important piece of paper that they really oughta have their lawyers draft. Until death do us part, to be sure, but you just never who's gay and straight in Hollywood anymore.

Take Kanye West, for example. In his song "Gold digger," he says he knows the girl's gonna get him roped into supporting her shorties, but he loves her anyway--despite the rumor that she's had babies by Busta, and that she mighta f*cked Usher. He ain't actually saying she's a gold digger, but he also says that she ain't messin' with no bro, yo, and he makes one clear, resounding demand: "We want pre-nup!" Smart boy, Kanye.

Which brings me to my point. We can all sigh a long sigh of relief for Nick. Yes, he will have to deal with the wrath of Papa Simpson, the continued explosive success of his super-hottie ex-wife, rumors in the media of sexual favors she always denied him ("Daddy said that's wrong, Nick!"), as well as the humiliating absence of anything he could call a career of his own. But guess what?

He's rich! He gets half! They didn't sign a pre-nup!

It appears that not only are young (and less young) celebs stupid enough to get engaged the second they realize they both love the burgers at Chateau Marmont and they've never met anyone who felt the same way, but they are also stupid enough to think it won't end faster than they can toss the burger bun. And they don't sign pre-nups.

Enjoy, Nicky. You'll never have to pretend to try to work again.


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