Robertson to Dover: Drop Dead

Pat Robertson hates to be the one to tell you, but if you fuck with God, he's gonna give you the big fuck you.

Rarely one to take a hard line, except in the case of communists (kill Chavez!) and feminists (they kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and are lesbians), Pat "America's Public Intellectual" Robertson got a little upset yesterday. In the town of Dover, Pennsylvania, where they were undoubtedly scared shitless by the burgeoning theocracy in Kansas, eight school board members were ousted after trying to introduce "intelligent design" into schools as an alternative to evolution.

Patty was as shocked as we were to see that in the reactionary nightmare that is American culture today, there are still a few brazen dissidents who not only remember, but are gonna fight for that dusty ideal sometimes called "modernity" or just "common sense."

But whereas we were shocked good, Patty was shocked bad--and he went straight to God and told Him all about it, and according to Pat, God is mad! "I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: If there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God. You just rejected him from your city," Patty said, still panting after racing down the hill from the heavens.

Well, phooey, if the good citizens of Dover had known God was gonna get that mad, they sure would have let a handful of revisionist Christians undo a few centuries' worth of human progress, and take them back to the dark ages of mysticism and superstition. They're so dumb in Dover.