Breaking News! Starlet gets Engaged!
I'm still reeling from tingling disbelief as I report this news to you: Kimberly Stewart, the 26-year-old Paris Hilton BBF ho-bag daughter of Rod Stewart has just gotten engaged!
What a shocker, eh? Another talentless and job-less Hollywood heiress has just decided to tie the knot. And to a second-rate reality show star nonetheless--ooooh, the surprises never stop. Talan Torriero, from MTV's Laguna Beach, is a young man who should fire his manager for giving him a Mexican porn star name. But he is just a dewy 19 years old, so what does he know, the little cherub?
I would like to commend them, if not for originality, for doing everything right. They have been dating for about a week, so, as you can imagine--as Nicky Hilton, and Britney Spears, and Renee Zellwegger would all agree--it really was time to take it to the next level. Kimberly is a C-list starlet, who poses for sketchy men's magz and slaps publicists--she knew that she needed a D-list wannabe fiance if they didn't wanna be laughed out of the tabloids. And, finally, they announced their surprise engagement to friends at a party for Microsoft's Xbox yesterday in Los Angeles,because nothing says Lasting Marriage and Real love like a video game event in Hollywood. And the timing couldn't be better for either of them: Talan has an album coming out--because what reality TV star does that?--and Kimberly has nothing better to do.
Now if they just wait a few more minutes before they jet to the Hard Rock in Vegas for a quickie wedding, Kimberly will have time to get that tatto on her stomach changed from “Daddy’s Little Girl Loves Cisco”--her recent ex-fiance--to “Daddy’s Little Girl Loves Disco.”
Speaking of daddy, I bet she's made him proud--marrying younger just like him!