SHAKING blog

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

The Corn Syrup Zone

The relentless obsessing over carbs and proteins that peaked in a frenzy of name-brand diets seems finally to have passed quietly into the eggs Benedict night. All these people and places--Atkins, Sears, the Zone, South Beach--have faded peacefully from the dietary map, to be recalled in the same notalgia trip as the blood-type diet and the orange-food diet. People have probably quit scooping out their bagels and ordering sides of sausage with the blissfully self-deluding idea that they were doing right by their carb count. But what are they eating now? A balanced diet? Everything in moderation?

Boooooring. What you need, what everyone who skipped sugars for all those long, fatty, cheesy, protein-rich months really needs now is candy corn. It's a balanced mixture of sugar, high-fructose corn syrup, and in the exceptional instance of a quality Brach's product, even honey. Not just one varietal of sugar, but three. It's a quick fix on this accumulated carb-deficiciency, that comes in a variety of appealing shapes like pumpkins, leaves and original corns, which, if you think about it, distribute nicely between breakfast, lunch and dinner: pumpkins with a latte and some fresh berries, leaves with an apple or a few pretzels (remember, carbs), and a bagful of original corns with a glass of Pinot Grigio, and it's like you'll never know all you ate once was protein.

It tastes delicious, and you may even begin to experience something called the candy corn effect which manifests itself as the sudden inability to eat even one more piece of candy corn. You'll see the pound peeling off, and your teeth falling out. And you'll enjoy it.

And in case you're worried this might be just a seasonally-available diet, don't! Candy Corn is not just for Halloween anymore. Candy makers have made Reindeer Corn for Christmas, Cupid Corn for Valentine’s Day and Bunny Corn for Easter. the corn syrup never needs to end.

6 Comments:

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October 26, 2005 6:22 PM  
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November 06, 2005 2:33 AM  
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