Scratch 'n' Sue
A recent posting on an obscure but very delicious gossip site, DoubleAgent.com, starts off with the best lede that journalism has, possibly, ever seen: "Although it may seem so, everything is not perfect for Paris Hilton and her fiancée [sic], Paris Latsis..." Awww. And you'll never guess why: Paris--the girl--is being sued by Paris--the boy's--ex-girlfriend. Zeta Graff, the ex of Paris I Can't Believe He's Hetero Latsis, claims the Hilton "camp" is planting all sorts of nasties about her in the press. So she's suing for $10 mill.
But it gets even more genius than that. Zeta Graff--yes, Graff like the diamonds--was once married to a Graff scion (does marriage last anywhere anymore?). Aside from the fact that Zeta probably already has baubles and dollars up the wazoo, Paris I Can't Believe She Can Cross the Street Alone She's So Stupid Hilton was wearing a $4 million Graff necklace the night of a Zeta-Paris melee, and Paris claims that Zeta tried to rip it off. The rich are so silly--can't they just be happy with their own Graff? Why do they always gotta take other people's Graff?
The best part is Paris Hilton's alleged rejoinder to Zeta, the kind of sophisticated reply that all of us should learn to toss off to our frenemies with the same poise: “You’re a [bleep]ing [bleep]. I’m going to destroy you.”