Monday, May 23, 2005

Things That Have Disappeared

Natalie Portman's hair:
While I do have an reflexive and uncontrollable reaction to turn away from anything including the word "Sith" or "Star"--and any of the related actors or characters--it's been hard to turn away from Natalie Portman's bald head. I have no idea why she's bald, but good god, she looks...amazing. She just stands there beaming, bald, radiant, a starlet still, heartbreakingly gorgeous. She makes me want to shave my head. I clearly need care.

Lidsay Lohan's boobs:
Wherefore have the pillowy friends of the world's most nubile starlet gone? She hosted SNL looking very bottle-blond and sinewy, a little too Donatella really, and mostly...very flat. They were so fleshy and large, she's so damn young--it all worked so well together. Bring them back, Lindsay!

Saddam's dignity--arguably:
So we saw him in his tighty whities, all dumpy and well-endowed, scuffling around doing domestic chores. He was a tyrant humbled--humiliated, really--by that same sneering spririt of Wild West jingoism that seems to be driving the whole damn war in Iraq, yet another thoughtless soldier stripping a prisoner of his dignity. But so what if the world saw a picture of Saddam doing laundry in his underwear? It could be worse: he could be naked, sandwiched between a few of his body doubles in a human pyramid, or--I donno--wearing a dog collar, or simulating oral sex...


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Other disappearing acts: network anchors, the need for checks and balances in the Senate, and the notion of a plausible exit strategy for our war in Vietnam, I mean Iraq.

May 23, 2005 5:09 PM  

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