Thursday, April 28, 2005

See God Eat

Before, I felt adrift and alone, casting about recklessly in the aisles of Metro Food, tempted at every turn by the seditious carbs, felled by the shameless fats, tortured by the siren call of processed sugars, sent into a tailspin of gastronomical confusion amidst this heathen plenty of foodstuffs. I'd lost my way to South Beach, I coudn't find the Zone, the Cabbage Diet left me feeling gassy--even the USDA food pyramid had forsaken me, with all its papist talk of customizable trapezoids.

My head was spinning, my stomach was growling, the stock boy looked at me like I was speaking in tongues, because suddenly I was on my knees, my arms reaching for the sky, my fingers stretched out to receive the light, my mind silently screaming out the question to the heavens above:

It turns out that there's no problem finding out, because the eponymous book--What Would Jesus Eat, by a Florida doctor names Dan Colbert--is already a beststeller. And if that's not to your taste--say you have the arrogance to wonder what God, him/her-self would eat, then there's The Maker's Diet. And, apparently, a whole cottage industry of Christian ways to eat, drink, and be pious (NYT, April 28, 2005, "Christian Diets: Fewer Loaves, Lots of Fishes). More books like Body By God and The Hallelujah Diet. And if you don't like books--reading, blech!--there are Christ-centered videos and seminars that'll help you lose weight and believe.

Because you know what? It helps to know the Lord is with you as you balance your food groups.


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